Don't talk with an open door
by MyLittleFangirlWorld
Summary: / He had to fix this, so with a pull on his arm he forced Akaashi to meet his gaze, and Bokuto's heart probably stopped as he did. Tears were glittering sharply in turquoise eyes, a sight that made Bokuto's before panickly loud voice disappear altogether. "I should have known you were just like everybody else then." / Simply a small Bokuaka two-shot :)
1. Part I

**A/N: Just a small middle in the night piece that I thought meh why not because there will never be enough Bokuaka published. Hope it'll be worth you're time love, /hugs MJ**

"Come on, just admit it already," Konoha teased as he rearranged some one of the mattrasses for comfort. Him, Bokuto and Komi were all sitting around and talking on the beds they were supposed to pack up (with Washio the only one actually packing in the corner) after the week long training camp. It had been rough as always, but it was now an annual thing for the Fukurodani team, much team bonding and such. Problem was, this much time together seemed to make certain members think they had some kind of passport on privacy just because they'd practically shared beds.

"It's so obvious you're head over heels for him!" The blonde continued, gesturing widely with his hands.

"Are you kidding me?" Bokuto laughed obnoxiously to try and cover his vulnerable feelings up. "Nah, man for once you're wrong in these matters."

"Come on, we've all seen the way you look at him," Komi stated and Washio nodded mutely from afar. The sneaky giant was listening after all then.

"Well I won't deny that he's good looking," Bokuto said pretending to be pondering. He damn well knew that Akaashi was a goddess on earth and beauty reincarnated. "But that's all there is to it, so he's nothing for me!" he stated, loosing himself in his desperate ways to cover up his crush. He talked on auto as he often did when he was stressed, because if he started thinking about it he'd get nervous and jittery and blush and mess up. And he _couldn't_ mess this one up. If one of the members told Akaashi and the setter didn't feel the same, he'd loose his chance.

He didn't dare do that, because he couldn't lose Akaashi beside him. He had to wait for everyone to know before _he_ knew what Akaashi felt to save them both from unnecessary pain and pride break. So therefor, the only way was to deny the crush until the others started minding their own business.

"We know you're lying Bokuto," Konoha tsked disapprovingly, shaking his head.

This made Bokuto's heartbeat pick up, so he tried a nonchalant response to try and fool the guys that Akaashi and him were polar opposites. (Which they kind of were, but those attract, don't they?) "I mean like, I like people with emotions you know?"

Wrapped up in his frantic thoughts as his mouth went on, he also missed the sudden panicked looks both Komi and Konoha gave him.

"Uh Bokuto-" Konoha started but said captain just laughed again. The panic was creeping up on him as he read disbelief on Washio's face, so he almost frantically powdered it up to make his statement more believable.

"Like hello, is there anyone in that shell? Nothing other than some old fashioned banging perhaps could-"

"Bokuto!" Komi shouted to shut him up, brown eyes frightened as he stared at something behind the boy.

You could probably pinpoint the moment Bokuto's heart stopped in his throat, the exact moment he met wide and familiar eyes.

It was only for a horrifying eternity of a second, but it didn't matter that he only got a glance. The dark green orbs that Bokuto would often have a hard time reading were clearly showing him pain and betrayal. But only for that one tiny moment, before Akaashi spun on his heel and left through the doorway he'd been standing in.

 _Hearing the whole thing_ , Bokuto realized, mind shutting off in the horrible realisation. Impossibly large gold eyes stared at the doorway, Konoha's worried shout of " _Akaashi_!" and Komi's " _Wait_!" resonating as heard through water.

He didn't notice someone shaking his shoulder at first, stuck in a state of shock and disbelief as he continued staring.

All at once though, his senses shot back into his body, making him jump and knock over Komi before sprinting out the entrance with a loud shout of " _Akaashi_!"

As he sprinted away to the main door, he nearly ran into their very shocked assistant coach. He didn't bother to pay him any head though, as he continued his rushing.

"Wait!" He rushed, jacket somehow inappropriately getting stuck in the door so he quickly bended it off to continue after his setter. Well outside, he immediately noticed Akaashi with his bag over his shoulder, pretty far ahead of him on the road that lead to the buss station. "Akaashi!" He shouted with a growing fear.

"Hey, where you going?!" He tried casually as he finally caught up with a heavy breath. He started walking briskly behind his friend, hoping against hope that Akaashi simply hadn't heard what he said, or that he didn't know who Bokuto was talking about. "We're all having dinner together and such you know; you can't go home already!"

But Akaashi ignored him, walking almost unnoticeably faster, making Bokuto's heart drop if possible even lower. He'd heard alright.

"Akaashi wait, okay I'm sorry but you have to listen to me!" Bokuto asked desperately as he almost tripped over his own feet. "I promise I can explain! I panicked and didn't mean any of it, I was-!"

"Leave me alone Bokuto-san," Akaashi cut him of, but there was definitely something wrong with his voice. Bokuto felt another stab through his chest, feeling more hate towards himself than he'd ever before thought possible.

But he _had_ _to_ fix this, so with a pull on his arm he forced Akaashi to meet his gaze, and Bokuto's heart probably stopped as he did. Tears were glittering sharply in turquoise eyes, a sight that made Bokuto's before panickly loud voice disappear altogether.

And so they just stared at each other for what felt like an eternity before the smaller of the two spoke up.

"I should have known you were just like everybody else then," he said with a sniff that wrung out Bokuto's very soul. "Like hey, let's all take our chance at Akaashi, the pretty face with the empty personality! You know the one who's feelings have all been erased by a vacuum cleaner, it's not like he'll care!" Akaashi nearly shouted at him, and it tugged so much at Bokuto's heart that you wouldn't believe. The setter simply never raised his voice, and he never displayed brokenness like that. Because no matter how desperately the setter tried to cover up his pain with anger, it was obvious he was upset.

Of course he had every right to be and of course Bokuto was supposed to feel like the world's biggest jack-ass, like he did and more.

"But guess what," Akaashi continued, voice cracking. "I fucking _have_ emotions and I said _leave me alone_!"

"You have to listen to me!" Bokuto begged, "Please, I can explain!"

Akaashi just shook his head sharply though, making a few tears glitter through the air. "Let go of me," he demanded, and only then did Bokuto realise his hard hold on the setter's thin wrists.

"I can't, _please_ Akaashi I _can't_ lose you," he begged, loosening his hold but not letting go.

"Let go."

"I _can't_. _Please_ talk to me."

They just stared at each other for another small eternity, Akaashi shaking as he finally responded, tears finally leaking to run down pale cheeks. "I'm… I'm pretty used to people thinking like that about me. I get it," he mumbled, and what wouldn't Bokuto give to get rid of that twinge of self-loathing amongst all of the suppressed pain. "I just thought… I just thought that it was _okay_ , because I knew you were different." When the one he cared about most in the world pulled away from his grip, he couldn't do a thing.

Bokuto could only stand and feel his heart break beyond repair at the next spoken words.

"Clearly I was wrong all along."

And so he watched the one he loved walk away. After a few meters, the boy started sprinting, and all Bokuto could do was fall to his knees, shaking with great sobs that showed no sign of stopping even as the sky grew darker.

He tugged at his own hair, wanting to scream all of his feelings towards the heaven but knowing he had only himself to blame.

And so he screamed, not at the heavens, but at himself and his damn cowardice.

 **A/N: *Carefully closes laptop* I should not be allowed to write at this hour.**


	2. Part II

**~Hi! :D**

 **Nymouria** **: Hello! Thanks so much for reviewing, your comment made me really happy and it was a great motivation for a continuation!  
And also, don't apologise for your English, it was great! English isn't my first language either (that's Swedish), and when I started with fanfiction a few years ago it was frankly very bad. But reading and writing really bettered it up and at the same time I started liking the subject more. I just think it's so amazing that we have this way off communication across so many countries and that it's so great hearing from new people that never mind grammar mistakes, so don't hesitate on using it! 3 Well, thanks again for your support love! **

**Blue Sky Of Love** **: Hey! Just wanted to say a huge thank you for your support darling, your review made me smile like crazy! Actually I wasn't really planning on continuing this, but you really inspired me that these two needs some kind of closure sooo** **J** **3**

 **And of course a huge thanks to you who gave this a chance through reading it, I truly hope you'll enjoy this second and last part loves!**

Bokuto was scared beyond belief that, because of him and his stupid ( _stupid_ ) mistake, Akaashi might quit volleyball. Maybe even quit school… Maybe even leave the country and Bokuto would never see him again and it would all be his own fault of course so he'd fall into depression and quit volleyball himself because what good was it without his precious setter and…!

Bokuto's panicked internal rambling came to an abrupt halt as he saw Akaashi enter through the doors, taking of his shoes and putting them neatly as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Except Bokuto didn't shout "Hey hey hey Akaashi!" in greeting, and Akaashi's eyes didn't move to find his own.

It seemed like the rest of the team quietened down as well, the usual chattering suddenly dropping. Akaashi seemed to pay no mind to the obvious change though, knotting his volleyball shoes with the familiarly stoic and calm expression.

"Hey Akaashi," Komi greeted finally, voice probably going for cheerful but it sounded a little concerned.

"Good morning," Akaashi greeted back with a nod, and it was almost, almost, so Bokuto could fool himself that he hadn't made the mistake of his life a few days ago. But he knew that illusion couldn't last, because his setter was clearly ignoring him. Bokuto had sent him what felt like hundreds of texts over the two nights between the camp and then, all with asks to come and talk to him, to let him explain. Akaashi hadn't read a single one of them.

Bokuto knew that the younger very rarely was on his phone, but he wasn't stupid. Akaashi didn't look at him, so Bokuto sadly looked away from him in turn. He knew Akaashi had every right in the world to be upset, but he needed the chance to explain if he'd ever have a chance at forgiveness.

Akaashi didn't toss for him that practise, and for the first time in almost two years, the two didn't walk home together.

Akaashi had been purposely ignoring Bokuto for nearly a week before the older teen had finally gone over the edges. Akaashi knew that the confrontation had been coming, he'd seen the way Bokuto had fidgeted and walked a few steps towards him just to back away again. Still, that didn't mean that he wanted this conversation. No, he wished that Bokuto would only give up. There was nothing to come out of it except suffering for them both.

And it's not like Akaashi hadn't suffered enough that week. It had hurt, it had hurt _a lot_ , to have his biggest insecurity confirmed by the only person he'd found himself to truly trust in a long time.

Bokuto had chosen a hell of a timing to finally come forth, it was late after practise and Akaashi was impossibly tired. He hadn't been able to have a peaceful night in the past week but all he wanted was to collapse in bed and deny the day. Of course the rain was ponding down like never before when he excited the gym, and of course he'd never had a thought of bringing an umbrella.

So all he wanted was to hurry home, take a shower and to sleep. But Bokuto apparently had other plans, as he suddenly shouted Akaashi's name from behind him. He was standing just beside the double door, soaked to the bone but seemingly paying the weather no heed as he stared after his setter.

Akaashi froze up for a sole second at the call, but then he just continued walking forward. This conversation wasn't worth the pain. He didn't want to hear any excuses for why those sentences were okay, nor any empty apologies coming from obligation or bad conscience.

"Akaashi, wait!" Bokuto shouted again, and the whole thing was just so familiar to last week. Once more, his captain was right behind him, trying to catch his attention.

This time, Akaashi responded though, keeping his voice monotone to keep his nearly overflowing feelings at bay. "Leave me alone." He truly hoped that for once Bokuto would back down, to let him be because he was pretty sure he couldn't handle this without breaking apart again. The last time they'd talked, Akaashi had cried the entire train ride home, for once in his life not bothered by what the people around him thought. As he'd reached his apartment he didn't think he'd ever before felt so lonely. He'd tried calling Kenma, even though he probably shouldn't have seeing as they'd only talked a few times when Bokuto hanged around with Kuroo. He just really needed to hear someone, but the boy hadn't answered until hours later. When he did, Akaashi couldn't get a word out. He'd just stared at the wall, listened as Kenma after a few of minutes of only him speaking ended the call. Right after he sent him a text to ask if anything had happened or if it was simply a pocket call. Akaashi had escaped by saying that it was the latter alternative, not wanting to rack his own problems upon someone else just as much as he realised he couldn't talk about it without breaking apart again, something he couldn't seem to afford to be sane at the moment.

"I _can't_ do that," the older begged in response, sounding so honest, pained and regretful that Akaashi couldn't help turning around to meet his gaze.

But why couldn't that all be an act. Too many years of being objectified had left Akaashi with an empty feeling that maybe he wasn't anything special at all. Too many grabby hands in the corridor, to many lists of best ass or most wanted one-night stand had left him feeling like that was everything people saw. When he was raped a bit over two years ago those thoughts had gotten so much stronger. He'd felt so empty for a long time, nothing more than a shell that would be off no use to anyone. That was before he met Bokuto, before the lively teen stormed in and shattered all his walls like an energetic wrecking ball. Bokuto, who didn't seem to mind that he didn't talk so much. Bokuto who actually seemed to like to be around him just as he was.

The same boy who'd apparently been playing a lie the entire time.

And it hurt, it hurt so damn bad because Akaashi had finally after long years started thinking that someone actually liked to have him around. Someone who wasn't out to use him, or there because of a stupid bet or a need to get off.

He'd trusted Bokuto, he'd liked him so much, with the thought that the same went the other way around.

Clearly it didn't though, and he didn't think he could survive to hear the excuses. Didn't want to hear it because it would only hurt so much more than it already did.

So, he took a step backwards, telling himself that of course it was only he rain that made Bokuto's eyes seem watery. "Leave me alone."

"Please, give me a chance and hear me out!" Bokuto sounded if possible even more desperate, clutching his mixed hair that had been pressed down to his forehead from the rain. Akaashi had to fight the urge to both carefully pry the taller's hands away from it, to simply sock him in the face, and to cry and scream at the same time.

"I don't want to hear the excuses," he answered stubbornly, but there were probably few people as stubborn as Bokuto was.

"Why not?!"

"Because you're right, aren't you!" Akaashi had answered loudly before he'd even comprehended the opening of his mouth.

"I'm _not_ , please Akaashi I really like you!" He shouted and Akaashi felt how his knees started shaking, fatigue and overwhelmeness threatening to drag him down.

"You're lying!" Why was Bokuto doing this to him? Couldn't he see that he just wanted to be left alone, because all this brought was a tightness to his chest that was physically painful.

"I'm not, I promise!"

"Stop it!"

"No!"

"Then _why_ would you ever say that!"

"Because I love you!" Bokuto finally shouted, suddenly grabbing a tight hold of Akaashi's hands. The boy just stared back at him, eyes impossibly wide. "Because I love you so much that it hurts and I'm so scared to be without you that it's _painful_." He felt his throat constrict slightly, grasping the thin hands in his own even tighter.

"Because I'm so stupid that it aches and you're so amazing that it's throbbing. And not just your looks," he adds quickly, heart wide open for the world to see and possibly tear apart. "Because you're _you_ , and just so amazing that the thought to be without you kills me!" His eyes weren't watering were they? Bokuto couldn't care less if they were. He had to get this out, for the sake of both of them.

"You're so thoughtful and kind and funny… You put up with me when no one else has the energy, you're always there when everyone else has given up. You mean everything to me, and the reason I want to be with you is because you just make me so _happy_. But most of all, I want to be with you to make _you_ happy too. Because you deserve that, and I'm so, so fucking sorry that I messed it up."

Okay, it was definitively tears streaming down his cheeks. Akaashi was crying to, hands shaking and shoulders trembling, but he didn't break their stare even once.

"And I was so fucking selfish to lie like that to preserve my own feelings, panicking beyond taking yours in accord," Bokuto sobbed, taking a shaking breath. "But they're out there now! I'm telling you that I love you with the risk of losing you forever, because I _can't_ let you not know how fucking amazing you are or how much I love you. You can hate me all you want to, I'd understand that because you have every right to... But please, please don't hate yourself, because you're so fucking great in every way that anyone would be so lucky to have you."

Bokuto dried of his snot with one of his soaked sleeves, smiling brokenly. "I'm sorry."

As his choked voice said stop, the emptiness reigned on for a few seconds.

That was before Akaashi suddenly pulled his hands away from Bokuto's grip, backing a few shaking steps before turning away from him.

All Bokuto could do was stare, emptiness resonating through him with a deep ache. He understood though, resigned to his faith. The rain poured quicker than ever, nearly drowning out Akaashi's wail in the wind as he suddenly turned back around to throw his arms around Bokuto tightly, sobbing into his shoulder.

"Idiot," he heard through it, muffled in his sweatshirt and cracked by tears.

The older was frozen before the reaction slowly sunk in. Throwing his arms around Keiji as well, with a slightly hysterical laugh. "I know. I know, I know, I know. I'm so sorry," he muttered, burying his chin in Akaashi's dark curls. "I'm so, so sorry."

Silence.

Before a quit… "I love you too."

As the rain continued ponding…

 **A/N: And that, my fellow fans, was curtains… But I hope to see you around in the next story!, hugs /MJ**


End file.
